What a show! J.D. opened it up with a bang and set the bar very high.  I have to keep reminding myself that I haven’t fooled anyone and I am supposed to be here.  Anyway, after the show we came back to the house, had dinner, watched the sunset, and drank too much wine.  I was really bummed out after the show. I felt like a disappointment I guess.  I don't think my performance was quite as bad as I think it was, but I know I could've done it better.  We have 17 days left, I need to take a deep breath and just get through this thing.  I auditioned in February.  It is now September and I'm still here.  Instead of being tired, I should be proud and I should definitely still be hungry to prove myself. 
Until next time,
Later

Oh man… Where do I begin.  Well, I should start apologizing to my family for my behavior.  Are you still proud? J.D.'s birthday…. A night of drunken debauchery and cake. It started off innocently enough.  We started drinking far too early and watched the sunset.  We came up to the house for dinner but weren’t hungry so we sat with our feet in the hot tub.  Good and wasted, we went to the dining room with the intention of eating…  I think.  MiG and Marty showed up with a 5-foot cake.  It was two wings that said "human being" (ha ha) J.D. said, "will you guys come with me” and before we knew it, the five of us were wearing all 5-feet of his birthday cake.  Anyway, to sum it all up, cake fight, group shower, hot tub, pool and a lot of red wine.  A night at the Rock Star Mansion.  We were in rare form last night, and although, I can’t even tell you how much fun we had, I can't f#%*ing stop laughing (however nervous laughter it may be).  HAHA. Until next time…

 

P.S.  Thanks for “We Are The Champions.” I hope I can do it justice and make you all proud.

 

I feel so much better about my songs today. Hopefully they come off as well as they do in my head. Speaking of my head, I got a tattoo on it yesterday.

 

Anyway, I am getting really pumped for the upcoming performance show. I must admit, I will be very sad if an original song and Queen land me in the bottom three again, but that's the game I guess. I am determined to stay her, and am ready to do what it takes.

So, until next time. Later.

My dad was at the performance show. He wore the most ridiculous outfit I have ever seen - fluorescent blue Hawaiian print pants and shirt with a matching bandanna, a white flower lei and white Velcro tennis shoes. What the f*%k? I can't believe my stepmom let him leave the house like that. Not for our sake but for his. I'm sure he thought it was absolutely hilarious and he's probably still laughing about it right now. He is a maniac and it was great to see him. I was so happy that they were able to come to this show, which was of epic proportions. Everybody killed it and I was glad they got to see that. I was fortunate enough to perform one of the greatest songs ever written ("Imagine" by John Lennon) and my dad was there to see it. It was a long day, but it was a great one. Game on until next time…
Later

We performed at Universal City Walk. I can't believe how many people showed up. Moreso, I can't believe how many people know who we are. What a trip! Talk about a crash course in notoriety. This is crazy stuff. Onto the show…This one is going to be epic -- the kind of choir, orchestra and horn section epic. OOOH…man it's gonna be good. I am honored to be performing “Imagine” by John Lennon and I think everyone feels that way about their song. My dad is flying out for this show, and I don't think he could have picked a better one. I'm curious to see how we are going to top this. I hope I'm here to find out. Until next time - Later…

After the elimination show, we were informed that we needed to start writing because our originals would be "featured" on the next performance episode. A scary thought. There is a lot of crap to weed through in songwriting before you get to the good stuff. And for Dave Navarro to say we need to write a song now, to possibly perform next week for the world, well, the thought of it made me want to be sick. Writing music puts me in a very vulnerable state. I'm not sure if I've ever been this stressed out in my entire life. I am sure I will figure it out, but right now I feel like I'm gonna lose it. BOO!!

What a week it's been, nope, I take that back, what a month it's been. Yesterday we lost Jess. We were sad to see her go.

I think the acoustic show went well. Everyone performed well. I thought it was nice to see a stripped down version of everyone's usual stage antics. Sorry, but I've not much else to say. I promise I'll hit you all up with the goods next time.

The songwriting clinic…well. It didn't exactly turn out as I had hoped. Just when you think J.D. is done being the abrasive guy that he was when he got here, he comes back ten fold. Impeccable timing of course, when we have a group project to write a complete song in a matter of hours. It started off well. But somewhere along the line of collaboration while we were trying to combine all of our ideas into one collective thought, he decided his way or no way. The group dynamic was gone and I think he managed to make us all look like a bunch of jerks. We finished the song without him and ended up being very pleased with the result. Because of his actions, and how it played out in front of Dave Navarro and Andrew Farriss (and the world I guess) he might as well have pulled down his pants and taken a giant s*%t all over everything we had done. Motherf&*%r we couldn't tame the beast and we lost. Better luck next time.

Oh…and I apologize for my last journal entry…I was having a day, sorry.

 

I am starting to feel a little more like myself.  Right now I have an ariel view of Hollywood and it is a beautiful sight. I am looking over the city, and beyond that to the Hollywood sign and reminding myself why I am here.  I am very much excited for the performance.  I think all of us are in the mood for a chill, low-key acoustic night.  I have a feeling it is going to be a great show.

Every time someone goes home the mood changes in the house. We are starting to feel it more and more as the weeks go on.

UHHHH! Um … Well, here's the deal. Don't feel like writing my blog. I drank too much and am nauseous (six shots of Jagermeister Marty and I had). Sorry.

Happy Birthday to me!! I don't even know where to begin, but I don't know if the birthday I've had will ever be topped. At the house I was surprised with a beautiful outdoor birthday dinner with my fellow castaways. Marty took a load of plates in and came out with the most amazing cake I had ever seen. It was a giant guitar cake with 23 candles. Make a wish, blow out the candles. I wished for my boyfriend to be there and I turned around and he was there. I've never been so shocked and happy in my entire life. I topped off my night with too many birthday drinks while rubbing elbows with some of the finest talent in rock and roll at House of Blues.  I'm still spinning from the best night ever!

Booo! Wednesday is a day I could do without completely and I wouldn’t miss it at all.  This house seems much larger.  But…. That is the name of the game and all but one of us will be sent packing so it probably wouldn’t be the worst idea ever to start getting used to it.  And then there were nine = Boo.  I got an encore yesterday.  It is very flattering to get called up for a repeat performance

When we got back to the mansion, I spent the night looking over my shoulder waiting to see someone from home.  I assumed that was the deal, achieve an encore, and get a “reward.”  A small dose of home and a taste of your real reality.  I tortured myself with expectation until the clock struck twelve and the day was over, at which point I decided to drown my sorrows in one last stiff cocktail that I didn’t need.  I’m calling bulls*%t and I’m a disappointed UNGA who misses the clan back home.  BULLS%^T

We had such a helpful clinic. It is weird to have someone tell you that you're great at what you do, but you're doing it all wrong. (Well … maybe not in those exact words … but you get what I mean) I never realized that with just the slightest change in the shape of your mouth or how you open your throat when you sing, you can transform the sound that comes out of your mouth. I never realized how big I could make my voice sound. I am excited to use my new knowledge and to start finding a voice I didn't know I had.

 

Dave Navarro is a huge inspiration to have around the house. He has been so cool and understanding about the stressful situation we are in.

 

Well, so much for picking our songs out of a hat. A couple of people were opposed to the idea so it was nixed and we chose our songs as we always do. My top 3 were … #1 “Everlong” by Foo Fighters; #2 “The Man Who Sold the World” by David Bowie; #3 “I'm the Only One” by Melissa Ethridge. I ended up with my second choice but I am very happy with it.
 
Although this is a sad story, I will fill you in: Shortly before I came here my friend Bryan, guitarist for American Head Charge, passed away while touring the U.S. with Mudvayne. When I really started paying attention to the lyrics in "The Man Who Sold the World," it wasn't long before I found myself in tears. Many of the phrases in this song ring very true to my memories of the last time I saw and spoke to him. I hope I can keep it together for my performance.

 

Ummm … Let's see … Well, on a lighter note, Marty, Suzie, Ty and myself wrote a song for Heather and Daphna that we are right in the middle of. I think Ty is doing his vocals right now. I hope they like it. It's kinda cheesy, but it's good. I think we are going to have everyone in the house do something on it. I am going to go check on the progress … Until next time.

…J.D. just suggested that we should pick our songs out of a hat for song selection. Personally I am sh*%&ing my pants. That makes a scary situation even scarier. I guess we will just have to see how this pans out. I am gunna be sick…(not really…but maybe).

Wow, it was a really weird show last night. I somehow snuck by unscathed, but others were not as lucky.  It seems to me that INXS and Dave Navarro are getting more serious and way more critical.  I think they are starting to get an idea of what they want from us individually, so we are all going to have to step it up.   To be perfectly honest, I am shocked as to what I have accomplished here thus far. To come in as the youngest and least experienced musician, I must say I am so proud of myself. I really didn’t think I would make it more than a couple of weeks.  My initial goal was to celebrate my 23rd B-day here on Aug. 6th, but in the back of my head, I thought that was pushing it a little bit.  It's getting closer and my fingers are crossed, hopefully I can keep surprising myself…. And the band.

Well, we finished another clinic. I always get uneasy when I watch myself perform, but it was nice to get feedback. I think it helped us all out a little bit.  It was nice to see I didn’t look as nervous as I was.  It’s easy to forget sometimes that we are on TV. But seeing the footage from the performances kind of put it into perspective for me.

I am so pumped to perform “Gimme Some Lovin’”. It's about time that I go out there and have some fun.  Song selection was stressful as always, but we figured it out.  The song that I got was actually my 2nd choice, which just goes to show, I shouldn’t trust my initial judgment in this heat.  (and this heat wave we are having in California is seriously testing my will to live).

I think I would have been happy with any of my choices, but this song has gotten me so amped to get on stage I am nearly crawling out of my skin…  And I am a very hyper UNGA today.  So… Tune in people.  LETS GET IT ON!!